is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
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