He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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