Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
