So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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