You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
my poor anus
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
