Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
