He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
