Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
