Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
