it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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