when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
