It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
