I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
