he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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