Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
