i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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