I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
