I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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