you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
