You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
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I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My ass is underappreciated
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize