We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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