I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Everything about him screamed your future.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
