You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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