we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
