dude i'm inner monologue high
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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