i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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