This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My cat gives me a boner
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
