i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Rumble strips road head = magical
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
