my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
