how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
