when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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