You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dicks are not precious.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize