I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
