Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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