all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
