my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
