at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
