so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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