party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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