dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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