I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
