Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
