i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
