Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
