why didn't you poke me back
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
