you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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