Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
