Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
