my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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