did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think I just sharted jello shots
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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