I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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