they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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