i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
