Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
