my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
