i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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