i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
