At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
