I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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