It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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