I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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