Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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