what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
