AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
