if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
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Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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