i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
